Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
