I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
