apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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