Just cropdusted the office
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
