that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
