your thong is hanging out like whoa
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
