she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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