If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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