I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
