just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Houston, we have a blender
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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