He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
