what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
