you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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