You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
