I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
