Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
