just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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