yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
