Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
