Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
