I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
