Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
