I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize