You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
