I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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