I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
