ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my poor anus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
