Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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