David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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