there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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