Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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