There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
