And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
