Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
