Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
