I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
