ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
