Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize