oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
