she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You ruined the universe
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize