who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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