She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
