Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
