Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
