so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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