Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
