I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
