I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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