Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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