Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
