my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
