i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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