It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
