i wish my penis had a tongue
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
