I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
