do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
