I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
