I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
