So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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