Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
