The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
