Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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