I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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