It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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