Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
