dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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