evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
