captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
