she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
