There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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