he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
