So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
