Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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