I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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