i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
