Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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