I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
