we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
