just tell him i said nine months
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
