well most of my day revolves around power hour
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize