oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
