we're blogging at a bar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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