I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
