FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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