Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
